Friday, November 4, 2022

Pie, Chest, Model

Saleslady: No modern home will be complete without the Cutie Pie 3000!

Customer: And what is that exactly?

Saleslady: Only the most modern pie chest with all the beauty of modern AI! It's like having a best friend whose only purpose is to keep your pies safe.

Customer: I'm not sure if--

Saleslady: I'll show you the Cutie Pie 3000 Country Living Gal model. Right over here, ma'am. You're going to love her!

Customer: I was hoping for a vintage look for the kitchen, really. I think this "internet of things" or whatever it's called will throw off the scheme--oh, my!

Saleslady: Isn't she darling?

Customer: She's... pretty wide.

Saleslady: All the better to store all those pies you'll be inspired to bake!

Customer: Is that a head?!

Saleslady: Of course! All your best friends have heads! And the Country Living Gal is no different!

Customer: Is it supposed to be... distorted?

Saleslady: It gives the Gal character.

Customer: A pretty unsavory character, if you ask me.

Saleslady: But looks aren't everything, as I'm sure you'll agree, ma'am.

Customer: Are its eyes supposed to do that?

Saleslady: It's looking out for threats that could endanger the pies it keeps safe in its chest.

Customer: What happens if I get in the path of those beams?

Saleslady: Not a whole lot if you get out of the way quickly. But the rash does disappear within an hour. Now watch, the Gal sees the owner--which, for this demonstration, is me--and awaits instructions.

Customer: I'd really like a standalone freezer if that's--

Saleslady: Country Living Gal, if you'd give us a pie, please! Now watch, ma'am, the Gal is going to open the chest and bring out a pie for us to enjoy. Now, it's a fake one, because we're not going to keep real food out on the sales floor, but for the sake of demonstration, let's pretend--

Customer: Duck!
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